Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Sacrifice

It occurred to me today.
I've never had to sacrifice my life
In any meaningful way.
Not once.
Until now.

I grew up
with married parents
who gave me everything
who love me no matter what.
An older brother who asked for me.
A pink baby
He announced.
A younger sister to protect.

Storybook childhood
Upper middle class
Two houses
Private education
A car
A pony

First choice college
First choice medical school
First choice residency program

The man of my dreams.
A husband who pushes me to pursue my goals.
Who never once objected to my aspirations.
A man who loves me for who I am
and for who I want to be.

I'm sitting here
looking out the window.
Thinking about how fortunate I have been
How lucky I have been
How very, very blessed.

I've never in my life had to sacrifice.
I've never been told 
you can't
you won't
you shouldn't

This deployment is a sacrifice.
I miss him.

But, I think it's my turn.





8 comments:

  1. It's tough, huh? I remember when we were just married we moved to Japan and I had to endure an "arduous" sea duty. My husband was gone for over 280 days in the 14 months we were there. I remember going to movies, dinner, shopping, and excursions all alone -wondering if I'd survive the heart ache... I came out stronger for it (each deployment shows just a little more power within) and you will too! I know your heart hurts, it really does.

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  2. I seriously feel the EXACT same, to the T. perfectly said. I have never had to experience heart ache necessarily until this deployment. I suppose it's our time.

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  3. Don't we know it!! It is tough, but being up to the challenge is everything! Seems like while you've been lucky in life you're no stranger to hard work; I'm sure medical school is no joke!

    We're here for you, we understand and relate! :)

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  4. Wow, this made me all teary eyed for some reason! But wedding planning has had that effect on me. Don't ask. :)

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  5. DR AW, I am going to feature your blog with this on mine next week if thats okay! This is so strange because I was thinking some VERY similar things this morning but couldn't figure out how to write it. So well put, thank you.

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  6. I feel you. I had the "storybook" life growing up as well, with family life and having everything I ever needed and most of what I wanted--and got accepted to my first choices of college, master's program, and PhD program. When I got out of college (before I went the grad school route) I was offered 3 jobs, so I had my pick. I have an amazing daughter and family. But military life has been full of sacrifices that I don't know how to handle. I've been in it for nearly 10 years and I STILL don't know how to handle it. Sometimes I think it is the black eye in my calm world. But through the sacrifices on all of our parts (mine, my husband's and my daughter's) I see us growing stronger and stronger--as individuals and as a family. Through the sacrifices, I found strength I never knew I had. Because I have been blessed and am lucky have things come so easily to me, I think I may have sold myself short in the past. Now, there is no question as to my grounded strength--or the strength of my marriage and family. I think we are the lucky ones. Through our sacrifices, we will one day look back, knowing all that we have overcome--our little joys are not so little because of the sacrifices--our "little" joys are amazing accomplishments. At least, this is what I tell myself to get through the rough times. :) But, so far, so good...because it all rings true at least until this point.

    Still love your blog! And extra-super-duper love this post!

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