I'm Not Your Doctor.

Please.

I'm begging you.

We just met.

You are not my patient.

I'm really not interested

in your 

high blood pressure

high cholesterol

or 

diabetes

I'm not at work.

Please don't tell me about

your 

diarrhea

or

constipation

No, it's not normal

to have

blood in your stool

But seriously

I'm not your doctor

and

I don't even know you  

I just want to enjoy my haircut

without hearing about your

menopause

I'm sure your hot flashes are terrible

and

I'm glad to know that you are taking

B12

I don't care that you have a 

urinary tract infection

or that the 

antibiotic didn't work

or that you

tried to drink cranberry juice

Can I please enjoy my martini?

I'm sorry you broke your arm last year

or that your appendix burst

and you needed surgery.

That is horrible that you had 

significant hair loss afterwards. 

I'm sure your

mammogram 

hurt.

They always do.

I'm thrilled it was normal. 

Your vaginal discharge 

is none of my business. 

I like not knowing.

Really.

I bet that hernia is uncomfortable.

and so are those hemorrhoids you kindly told me about.

The whole restaurant 

enjoyed hearing

about that.

Your prostate exam?

Please, stop.