The Blackout

The fear is hard to describe.

The panic of a communication blackout

When they intentionally shut off all communication

So that family can be notified.

So that word doesn't leak out.

You don't get your morning email

The message you always get.

You wait for the Skype call you had planned

But it never rings.

You send emails - desperate emails

That go unanswered. 

Unread.

With each passing moment 

Your panic increases

You scour the internet for an answer

And hope you find it

At the same time you hope you don't.

You read those four words:

American soldier killed today

The next words list the general location

The same location across the world

That the love of your life lives.

You try to convince yourself that you'd know by now.

Someone would have told you.

You're the first person to be notified

And you've been home all day.

Someone would have come

And told you 

The news.

You would have seen that car by now.

The car that every military wife dreads

The car that you keep looking out the window

Hoping not to see.

There's nothing you can do

To stop the fear

the tears

the nerves

The only thing that would help

Is a phone call from him

An email.

A message.

So you wait.

You just keep waiting.