Really, I am.
I'm so sorry I have gone away & I promise to pay closer attention to this blog. Writing here and getting your feedback is so important to me. I'm going to catch up on reading your blogs too. Believe it or not, I have 707 unread blog entries right now from all of you. I'm sorry I've been so bad!
I've just been really really busy with this thing called INTERN YEAR. Let me just tell you, it's a lot harder than I thought it would be. They say the learning curve is steep when you transition from a 4th year medical student to a 1st year resident but I think the curve is not just steep. It's a totally vertical line. You basically spend your time trying to climb directly straight up on the learning curve while at the same time grasping on with all you have to prevent yourself from falling off completely. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't feel like a complete and utterly incompetent idiot. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't make mistakes. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't doubt my ability to do this and ultimately become a proficient doctor. In short, my confidence is at an all time low.
I wonder when I will stop feeling this way and when I will get to the point when I've climbed over the vertical curve and I am cruising up at the top. I wonder if I'll ever get there. They say I will. They say that everyone feels this way and that it will get better. It's hard to believe right now but I just have to put some confidence in the system and just keep pushing myself to get better every day.
Emergency Medicine is what I love. I know it's the right specialty for me and I'm sure I will be happy with my career. I want to love residency but it's a strong word when you aren't confident in yourself.
I'm happy to have the support of my husband, family, and friends to help get me through this. I also could not be doing it without this girl:
I get to come home to her wagging nub tail every single day and cuddle with her every night. No matter how my day was and no matter what happened, she is always there with endless love.
Deployment combined with residency is hard. Really hard.
It is is made so much better by my battle buddy.
You can do it! I'm struggling with school right now, too. Everything seems so much harder when they are away. You just gotta keep truckin! Good luck with everything. Making mistakes is how we learn. You'll get it in no time.
ReplyDeletethinking of you lovely! I think dogs are just the greatest! I am glad you have a buddy!
ReplyDeletexo
You will make it. July is over. August is almost over. 2 down, 10 to go.
ReplyDeleteJust remember, be really nice to the radiologists. They can make your job a lot easier when they want to.... ;)