Sunday, January 9, 2011


One hundred and ninety million dollars. 

That's what each of the two winners of the most recent Mega Millions will receive.

This got me thinking about what I would do if I won this much money.

I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but I'm actually afraid of buying lottery tickets and I tend to shy away from it. This is not because I have some horrible, all-consuming gambling problem and am scared I will end up spending my entire life's worth on the lottery.  It's not as if I sit all night at some sketchy party boat/casino with a cigarette in one hand, scotch in the other, and pull the lever until I get tendinitis in my elbow.   The closest I have ever come to gambling is the old nickel slot machine that my grandparents used to have in their condo. I would stand on a stool on the green shag rug, pull nickels out of a plastic cup on the table, and feed the coins in one after another. Sometimes I would have a horrible run of luck and would go completely and utterly bankrupt.  Thank goodness there was a key to the back of the machine and I could instantly refill my account.  Once in a while I would jump for joy - "JACKPOT!!" as a handful of nickels dumped on to the floor.

   (This is the current extreme makeover slot machine. In another life it was green and yellow with cracked glass and didn't have quite the same magical sheen.)

I don't buy lottery tickets because I don't want that much money.  Perhaps I'm crazy.  That much money changes people.  It changes your life outlook, it changes your relationships with your friends and just changes everything.

Don't get me wrong here - I like money.  It is important to me have a nice house, enjoy some traveling, and pay for the educations of my future children.  I consider myself extremely fortunate that even with the nauseating sum of student loans that loom over my head, I will one day be able to live in a very comfortable manner.

$190,000,000? No thank you. 

Plus, those numbers were too darn close to the numbers on Lost and just think of the bad luck that came from that.

If for some weird, inexplicable reason a winning Mega Millions ticket just happened to fall out of the sky on to my lap, this is what I would do:

1. Get a lawyer.  There is absolutely no way I would show my face on national television accepting that check.  I'd send my lawyer to do it for me and attempt to stay as anonymous as possible.

2. Hire the best financial planner around.

3. Pay off my student loans & pay back my parents for all the financial support they have given me over the years.

4. Put away enough of it so that my future children, grandchildren, and nieces/nephews can get whatever education their little hearts desire.

5.  Buy a nice house, but nothing that would be so big that I would have to use an airport walking escalator to get across it.

6.  Invest a couple million for the future.

7.  Give the rest of it away. Anonymously.

What would you do if you won $190,000,000?


  1. You're probably right... studies have shown that a couple of years later, most people who win the lottery are less happy than they were before they won. I think it's all relative... once you're that rich, it takes so much more to get you excited. I get excited when I buy a Starbucks. If I were a kabillionaire it would probably take a yacht or something :)

  2. haha... i get excited when i buy starbucks too. i would never want to lose that feeling! :)

  3. If I had a million dollars
    We wouldn't have to walk to the store
    If I had a million dollars
    Now, we'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more
    If I had a million dollars
    We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner
    But we would eat Kraft Dinner
    Of course we would, we’d just eat more
    And buy really expensive ketchups with it
    That’s right, all the fanciest ke... dijon ketchups!
    Mmmmmm, Mmmm-Hmmm

    If I had a million dollars
    (If I had a million dollars)
    Well, I'd buy you a green dress
    (But not a real green dress, that's cruel)
    And if I had a million dollars
    (If I had a million dollars)
    Well, I'd buy you some art
    (A Picasso or a Garfunkel)
    If I had a million dollars
    (If I had a million dollars)
    Well, I'd buy you a monkey
    (Haven't you always wanted a monkey)


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