Not For One.

Out of the corner of my eye
I see them.
I pause.
My shopping cart goes in reverse.

Pillsbury cinnamon rolls

Warm gooey pastry
Sweet sugary frosting
My mouth starts watering.

That cardboard can with metal ends
The way it opens with a
POP
I can't resist it.
So delicious.
Heaven.

All I want is just one roll...
Or maybe two.

But the smallest can has five.

How many calories in five?

Raw dough
Reminds me
of the simple fact

That it's just me.

I leave the rolls behind
For someone else to buy
Someone without a husband
in
Iraq.

Someday I'll wake up
To that sweet aroma

Pillsbury cinnamon rolls
in the oven
and my husband standing there
Ready to eat
The other three.

A Better Day

"Hey did you hear the news?"

I looked up from a patient's chart and saw one of the city paramedics.

"They announced today that all troops will be out of Iraq by December 31st!"

I gave a fake smile.

"Oh, yeah, well I'll believe that when I see it," I replied.

It was my routine response to this topic.  I've known about the December 31st deadline for a long time and I consistently google all news articles related to the topic.  However, I know that these things can change at any moment and the nature of my husband's work makes it so that he will be one of the very last to leave.  I have prepared myself for a late spring reunion.

I worked the rest of my busy shift, walked to my car, and pulled out my phone to check my email.

One of my best friends wrote: "This is great news, right?"

I shrugged.  Maybe.

Then I saw the video:




The tears started running down my face.  And then I started sobbing.  Alone in my car I was able to let down the wall and feel the complicated emotions of deployment.

I'm still ready for the full deployment but I can't help but feel happiness over the official announcement of a possible early return.

I got home, ate Chinese food, and opened my fortune cookie.

It read:  

Today is probably a huge improvement over yesterday.

Please Forgive Me!

I just had a realization.

I haven't written anything on this blog in almost 2 months. Where did the time go? How is it possible that time moves so slowly in my life but so quickly on this blog? Why have I had such writer's block lately? I can't answer these questions but I promise to be better about it.  This blog has been a major stress outlet for me over the course of this deployment.  I've felt very agitated lately and I think it has to do with my lack of writing.  Deployment weighs heavily on my shoulders every minute of the day and  this feeling of dread won't go away until he's home.   It's incredibly difficult for me to separate these emotions out of the workplace and I think that sometimes my mood can carry over.   Writing on this blog helps me to release some of these emotions.  So.......I'm back.

What have I been doing over the last two months?  Well, there's a very simple answer to that question.
 
I've been sticking my hand in many, many vaginas.  

Yes, you read that right. 

I spent a month working on the labor and delivery floor.  I can now say that my hands were the first to touch the heads of 38 new human beings (or little goats as I like to call them).  I was so happy to end the month but it is pretty cool to think about that little fact. 

The actual act of delivering babies is fun and it's usually not even that hard.  Not dropping them on the floor is the most difficult part.  They are slippery little buggers!

Now I'm back in the Emergency Department and it feels good to be home.

Stay tuned for the regular return of Dr. Army Wife's blog!